Gardening Heals Grief

I’m super proud of myself right now.

This weekend I created my second garden. (To see the post about my first garden: click here).

It’s tulip planting season. Got bulbs? Plant them. I honestly didn’t feel like putting in the effort, but the thought of NOT HAVING TULIPS this spring was too grim for me.

Flowers make me happy.

Plus this side of the yard looks sad and boring.

Yeah but…after my husband read my blog about how I tricked him into doing all the hard parts of my first outdoor garden experience, he tricked me into wanting to learn to use the pick ax myself.

After like 20 minutes of exclusively using the pointy side, my husband demonstrated for me how much easier this project would go if I used the flat side of the pick ax to tear up the grass.

For like 5-10 minutes after that, nothing could stop me. I wielded that tool like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. Or maybe more like Anthony Perkins in Psycho, not sure.


There was a giant worm and I touched it.

And then I had to step back…

Like who am I to come at the Earth with a pick ax?

This worm lives here.

What if the worm ends up in the trash bag???

Legit overcome with sadness, I take an entire week off to think about life and death.

And manual labor.

So my husband is amazing. And no one wants to see those 55 bulbs go to waste right?

So we worked together on the second garden while our son ran circles around the house in an epic nerf gun battle with 2 neighborhood friends he had just made.

And I guess it needs to be said that we never really saw that coming. My son was born in Las Vegas and you don’t really let your child out of your sight in Las Vegas. We did structured play dates. We never had children just ring our doorbell like that before. We had a gate.

Here is the beauty of our relocation to wholesome Wenatchee, Washington. It was tough at first, we are a family of introverts over here, but 10 months into our relocation, my son’s dream came true and friends randomly came to knock at the door and then stayed for hours.

These kids have a lot in common. They all are the same age (6), have the same kind of pet (cat people), have the same favorite band (Imagine Dragons), and are into the same toys (legos, pokemon, etc.). Before I knew it, my son was LEAVING OUR HOME to go have pizza and movie night at our neighbor’s house.


He was gone for 2 hours and I know that because I had to set a timer to soak the ranunculus bulbs for 2 hours in lukewarm water before planting them 3 inches deep.

Bulbs? More like ranunculus crustaceans, am I right?

So my husband and I finished planting the tulip bulbs and got to eat dinner BY OURSELVES!!!

We smiled and talked about how happy (and so so scared) we were for our son the whole time.

When the timer went off, I went outside to plant 20 soaked ranunculus bulbs 3 inches deep and my husband walked down the street to get our son.

My heart exploded as I heard my son’s little voice getting closer and closer to me. He is happy. He is confident. He loves spending time with his new friends.


Listen to me: it’s not all fucking flowers! Growth is painful, it’s hard work, it’s long stretches of time when you feel like a pile of dirt–so long in fact that you become cold and hard and you think you might die, but then thank god that period of time passes and it’s spring and you pop up out of the Earth like, I’m back, bitches!!!

The more seeds you plant, the more beautiful the world.

Do you remember when I discovered house plants?

Look at me now!!!

So grown up.



PS–Have you seen my latest Total Eclipse of the Heart music video???

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